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Achieved My Very Own Hitchslap (diluted version) – Victory is Mine!

This afternoon I had a really interesting conversation with my partner….he believes in Christianity and god.  Picture the setting, we are chilling on our settee, both of our armchairs at either side are raised so we are slobbing out good and proper.  I am looking at the Ciate Caviar Nail Sets deciding whether or not I should buy one and he is watching “The Real Housewives of Orange County!”  I SHIT YOU NOT!!!!

Anyways, one of the wives on the show (do not know her name and do not care to) claims she is religious.  The bible is the guidebook for all to live by and that her marriage is based on the notion that the husband makes the decisions on their lives.  He even makes the decisions on what she wears on a daily basis.  Firstly, that makes me cringe.  I wear what I want when I want.  I have my own style of fashion that I follow and my partner would not dare tell me to wear something else simply because he did not want me going out wearing a particular dress or something.  He has that healthy respect for me and I reciprocate back.

Secondly – and on to my main point of this blog – he turned round to me and said that this housewife has very traditional values that she lives by based on her religion.  But he then was perplexed by her because he said that in spite of all this traditionalism, the low cut tops and the mini dresses she wears is in contradiction to her “traditional religious values.”

I told him that religious people are essentially contradictory in nature.  The bible is full of rules that contradict each other.  If you are going to follow a religion based on a contradictory book, then the product of that religion – its followers – will be contradictory as well.

I gave him the good old example of the book of Leviticus in the Old Testament.  (And yes, when I mentioned the book of Leviticus, he asked me what book that was!)  More proof that we atheists know more about their bible than the followers themselves!  On a side note – that notion scares me where followers of this religion blindly obey and submit to this god’s will, yet they do not have sufficient information or knowledge about the book that their religion is based on in the first place.  Tell me, how is that rational!?

Anyways, moving on from that mini rant, I told Richard about the verse in Leviticus where it bans the consumption of shellfish.  Leviticus 11:10 states: “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.”

From this I told him that christians are contradictory with how they choose to live their life which at times can be in spite of their beloved bible.  These housewives lead opulent lives and have an opulent diet to match.  One item of which they love to consume is lobster – a food that evokes a style of class and upper living in the first place.

He agreed with me and said that Christians pick and choose what they want to abide by from the bible.  I then told him that the bible is contradictory in nature, what it will say in one book, it would then say the opposite in another book.  For example, in Leviticus 20:13 it states amongst other notions that gay men should be put to death.  Yet in the 10 commandments it states that we should not kill and Jesus’ “Golden Rule” from the New Testament states to love one another as you would want to be given love from others.

How can these examples reconcile with what is said in Leviticus?  They cannot.  It is a contradiction.  When christians are presented with such contradictions, they then attempt the impossible by squaring off the circle.  From what I told him I then finished off with my conclusion that because the bible is contradictory and in his own words due to its followers “picking and choosing from the bible” what they want to follow as they see fit – this means that followers of Christianity are contradictory by their very nature.

My partner then started to stutter, mumbled something that I could not recognise and then carried on watching the “christian hypocrite” on tv.

I would like to announce right here, I have succeeded for the first time in my life my very own version of a “Hitchslap.”  Now what I said to my partner and how I worded it would not have been as eloquently put or as intelligently insightful compared to the great man himself, but it was a diluted Hitchslap none the less.

In the comments section below, it would be awesome to read some of your own examples of your Hitchslaps.  I do not doubt that your examples will be better than my own.  So do not be shy, what is your most recent Hitchslap?  Or better yet, what is the best Hitchslap you have dished out to an unsuspecting or deserved religious follower?

***By the way, I am not going to buy the Ciate Caviar Nail Polish sets – instead I have found a really good present for my partner to buy for me next month for Valentines Day!***

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Coeliac Plexus Block: Double the Needle Usage = Double the Trouble

Yesterday I was at the Pain Clinic undergoing my second operation – Coeliac Plexus Block.  Whilst I was waiting to be called into the operating theatre I was really scared because the last time I had this operation in August 2012, I was off work for over 1 month because my back was in so much pain.  The physiotherapist told me that the left hand side of my back (where the operation focused on) was in total spasm.  Back spasm hurts like a bitch people, be warned!

Anyways, I was really scared with this one because this time, the pain clinic surgeon was focusing on both sides of my back.  He was going to subject me to 2 big major needles on either side of my back to anaethetise my solar plexus (a mixture of anesthesia and steroids).  I had every reason to be scared as well!  In the operating theatre, one of the assistants was being really stingy with the sedative.  Last time, a different assistant gave me the right amount of sedative and the procedure went along fine with minimal pain (just a few pricks from the local anesthetic to numb parts of my back they were operative on).  Even the surgeon, when I spoke to him before the operation, told me that he remembered I got through it fine.  This time though, I was screaming in pain, during which I did tell the surgeon to carry on with the operation and not stop.  Coming all this way and being on the operating table, it would make no sense for him to stop now!  Every time the assistant gave me some more sedative through the drip they hooked me onto, it was very minimal (1ml at a time it seemed) and it did not do much judging by my screams!

***In this instance, when I mean “screams” I mean me going “Argh” in pain.  So not screaming like a female opera singer.  Glad we got that all cleared up there!!!***

The coeliac plexus is otherwise more commonly known as the solar plexus.  All the pancreas nerves go through this plexus and then runs up the spine to the brain.  The pain signals would travel this route and when it gets to the brain I then start feeling the pain.  With the solar plexus blocked, the pain signals will not be able to get to the spine and get the chance for the brain to be alerted for me to then feel the pain.

So far so good, but that big ass needle in August caused so much back pain and issues and this time I had to have two of them at either side!  Double the needles, double the trouble me thinks!  In exactly one month time it will be my mother’s wedding and I really do hope I will be well enough to get through the day without too much pain.  I kinda think though that this is me we are talking about and nothing ever goes to plan but at least with that second dress my mother bought me, I will look nice whilst getting slowly killed off with the pain!

So after the first 24 hours I am out of the woods as far as any possible internal bleeding is concerned.  Best thing about that was that if the surgeon had punctured a vein, he would not have known there and then.  We would have only found out that lovely surprise when I got home, my heart beats would increase to the point where it would feel that it was trying to thump its way out of my ribs and I would then pass out.  Glad to say that has not happened to me so yay for me!

The back spasms have started though, I have called my physiotherapist earlier on this afternoon and an emergency appointment has been set for next Wednesday.  The medication I have is helping and my partner is looking after me.  I am very lucky to have him in my life.

As a thank you to my wonderful partner, yesterday I bought us a take out curry.  I am a wimp when it comes to spices.  I love my dishes plain – I am the lass that goes crazy for bread sauce and turkey at Christmas.  But never the less, I do like a chicken korma with boiled rice and chippattis (9 in total).  BUT not a hint of spice in the dish.  You see, some curry houses think that with a korma, they can put a little but of spice in and it would not hurt.  It does with me, even a little bit and I can’t eat the rest of the dish, it does burn the roof of my mouth off – NOT an exaggeration.  I am simply a wuss/wimp/[enter your own appropriate descriptive word here] when it comes to curries.

If anyone tells me that they are going to pray for me and my health I really get so frustrated.  It is like they are bypassing the praise that should actually go on the doctors, nurses and surgeons trying to get my pain under manageable circumstances.  Their efforts mean nothing because there is a big invisible man in the sky that will make everything better for me instead.  Well by your logic, it was that big invisible man in the sky that gave me this sodding illness in the first place…..why would he then want to make me better when he was the cause in the first instance!?  You have just proven that your god is incompetent and contradictory, well done!

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2013 in Health Related

 

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