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Achieved My Very Own Hitchslap (diluted version) – Victory is Mine!

This afternoon I had a really interesting conversation with my partner….he believes in Christianity and god.  Picture the setting, we are chilling on our settee, both of our armchairs at either side are raised so we are slobbing out good and proper.  I am looking at the Ciate Caviar Nail Sets deciding whether or not I should buy one and he is watching “The Real Housewives of Orange County!”  I SHIT YOU NOT!!!!

Anyways, one of the wives on the show (do not know her name and do not care to) claims she is religious.  The bible is the guidebook for all to live by and that her marriage is based on the notion that the husband makes the decisions on their lives.  He even makes the decisions on what she wears on a daily basis.  Firstly, that makes me cringe.  I wear what I want when I want.  I have my own style of fashion that I follow and my partner would not dare tell me to wear something else simply because he did not want me going out wearing a particular dress or something.  He has that healthy respect for me and I reciprocate back.

Secondly – and on to my main point of this blog – he turned round to me and said that this housewife has very traditional values that she lives by based on her religion.  But he then was perplexed by her because he said that in spite of all this traditionalism, the low cut tops and the mini dresses she wears is in contradiction to her “traditional religious values.”

I told him that religious people are essentially contradictory in nature.  The bible is full of rules that contradict each other.  If you are going to follow a religion based on a contradictory book, then the product of that religion – its followers – will be contradictory as well.

I gave him the good old example of the book of Leviticus in the Old Testament.  (And yes, when I mentioned the book of Leviticus, he asked me what book that was!)  More proof that we atheists know more about their bible than the followers themselves!  On a side note – that notion scares me where followers of this religion blindly obey and submit to this god’s will, yet they do not have sufficient information or knowledge about the book that their religion is based on in the first place.  Tell me, how is that rational!?

Anyways, moving on from that mini rant, I told Richard about the verse in Leviticus where it bans the consumption of shellfish.  Leviticus 11:10 states: “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.”

From this I told him that christians are contradictory with how they choose to live their life which at times can be in spite of their beloved bible.  These housewives lead opulent lives and have an opulent diet to match.  One item of which they love to consume is lobster – a food that evokes a style of class and upper living in the first place.

He agreed with me and said that Christians pick and choose what they want to abide by from the bible.  I then told him that the bible is contradictory in nature, what it will say in one book, it would then say the opposite in another book.  For example, in Leviticus 20:13 it states amongst other notions that gay men should be put to death.  Yet in the 10 commandments it states that we should not kill and Jesus’ “Golden Rule” from the New Testament states to love one another as you would want to be given love from others.

How can these examples reconcile with what is said in Leviticus?  They cannot.  It is a contradiction.  When christians are presented with such contradictions, they then attempt the impossible by squaring off the circle.  From what I told him I then finished off with my conclusion that because the bible is contradictory and in his own words due to its followers “picking and choosing from the bible” what they want to follow as they see fit – this means that followers of Christianity are contradictory by their very nature.

My partner then started to stutter, mumbled something that I could not recognise and then carried on watching the “christian hypocrite” on tv.

I would like to announce right here, I have succeeded for the first time in my life my very own version of a “Hitchslap.”  Now what I said to my partner and how I worded it would not have been as eloquently put or as intelligently insightful compared to the great man himself, but it was a diluted Hitchslap none the less.

In the comments section below, it would be awesome to read some of your own examples of your Hitchslaps.  I do not doubt that your examples will be better than my own.  So do not be shy, what is your most recent Hitchslap?  Or better yet, what is the best Hitchslap you have dished out to an unsuspecting or deserved religious follower?

***By the way, I am not going to buy the Ciate Caviar Nail Polish sets – instead I have found a really good present for my partner to buy for me next month for Valentines Day!***

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Posted by on January 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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